Gift; 20 Septembre 2025 02:48

Dear Fiona Apple,

Is my neuroticism a gift? Today my mum said enfant me was not like this.

How am I different? I asked.

She said that I was less panicky.

For a long time, I knew my anxiety had existed since I was young. But as I grow older, I feel myself crazier and crazier each passing day. I feel quite afraid of myself.

I keep thinking that this all has to mean something; that for all this suffering I would come out of this gauntlet a writer or an artist. But I am nothing at the moment. And it seems that I am for the lack of trying.

So for every endeavour I pursue, I always press the pedals on it for I need to prove something to myself. That all these "eccentricities" mean something; a gift and not a debilitation/disability. That I would be the kind of person Mike Scott wrote for --- the person who sees the whole of the moon.

P.S. I find that the word "pedal" come out in my writing a lot. What do you suggest I expand my vocabulary into?

I always wanted to say Godspeed, so Godspeed,

U