Potential OCD Tendency: Dimanche 7 Septembre 2025

 Being extremely skeptical of compliments or good feedback; this morning I received an email with respect to my chapter of my bachelor thesis that I schedule sent at 5am. Even as I am writing this, I am fighting this world-ending feeling derived from potentially not addressing or reporting every detail down as it happened to its finest atoms.

In the email he said: "Thank you... Very good job..." and in a span of 10 minutes, or less or more (time, something I feel I need to control and ruminate upon), I was analysing and taking apart what it means to be "good", to what degree is it "good" in what aspects is it "good" from what angle is it "good": my effort? the actual intellectual work? or just the fact that I got it done on time? And what does it means to be "very" good? Why is it not excellent, what is this line? 

It feels different, from criticising the self, it is more like, this obsessive need to get to the bottom of everything, to control every variable in that world till it is satisfying to me. That in every waking moment is a whole world and in every world, I want to attend and address to all of its atoms and break it down into quarks. Every stone left unturned is a question of uncertainty that shifts the ground beneath my feet. 

Okay wait i continue later...